My Path from Dysfluency[...] to Fluency[?]

2006-09-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

EMOFREE

Add to your routine the following. Some rounds that have the set up phrase, "Even though I lose my composure and start to stutter, I fully and completely love, honor, trust and accept myself" Your reminder phrase can be: "Lose my composure". Do this before you have to make calls and after you have done them. BTW you know you can tap while you are on the phone. Nobody is going to see you. This will keep your energy balanced and you will be surprised at the results. Give it go and let me know.

For golfers: Even though I messed up (use your own words) on my last shot I fully and completely love and accept myself and I am a great speaker.

2006-09-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Speaking of Damon

An inspiring article on the NYT (Thanks to Bob and TimM for forwarding link)

He seems made to stand in front of a television camera - glib, rock-star handsome with a ready smile and a helluva player, too. He is a spokesman for Puma, has talked teammates through complicated labor negotiations as the Red Sox union representative and is the darling of postgame interviews. He was creative enough to dub his old team a bunch of "idiots," a moniker that stuck all the way to a World Series crown...

But speaking didn't used to be so easy for Yankee outfielder Johnny Damon. For several years as a child, Damon stuttered so badly he was afraid to introduce himself. Sometimes, there was cruel teasing from other kids.

Damon vividly remembers going to the movies as an oversized youth and trying to pay child's prices. When clerks saw his man-sized frame - by the time he was 12, he was 6-1, 185 pounds - they thought he was kidding. When they heard him stutter as he tried to explain that he was big for his age, they thought he was lying.

"My mind was going a thousand miles an hour and my mouth would say whatever came to it," Damon recalled. "I slowed down, took my time, connected my words and got better. Now I'm talking in front of millions of people a day. At times, there's some slight hesitations and whatnot, but I feel like I've overcome it. I don't think about it too much anymore. I just roll with it and feel like I've come a long way."

"It's amazing that a guy who years ago was sometimes afraid to talk is now such a great quote," said Damon's childhood friend and former pro teammate, Brian Barber. "People who know him now don't even realize he had it."

Words "kind of lock up" when a person stutters, said Jane Fraser, the president of the Stuttering Foundation of America, a non-profit organization devoted to treating and preventing the condition. About three million Americans stutter, about 1% of the population, Fraser said, and around 5% of children stutter at some point, though most outgrow it.

There are plenty of famous people other than Damon who have battled stuttering, including sports stars such as Tiger Woods, Bill Walton and Kenyon Martin. Winston Churchill and Marilyn Monroe dealt with it, too.

"A lot of kids work their way out of stuttering by being good at sports," Fraser said. "It gives you self-confidence. And then the more you talk, the more you will get out of this problem. I think that sports analogies help kids who stutter. You've got to work on your speech. We tell kids, 'Don't think someone who can hit a baseball is an expert because they just do it five minutes a day.' That's something we like to share with teens, their eyes get all big."

Damon, 32, started taking speech therapy classes in second grade because he had trouble saying " 'S' or 'T' or 'D,' " he said. He could sing without stuttering - mostly hair bands such as Motley Crue, he said, laughing - and that helped build confidence. The late Robert Merrill, the baritone who sang the national anthem at Yankee Stadium, used similar technique.

"When I was able to talk a lot and express my feelings, I think that's what really helped," Damon said. "I even dealt with this in my first couple of years in the big leagues and it's something that I still have. Obviously, when I talk now, there are 'ums' and slight hesitations to help me get past it.

"Sometimes I got teased and maybe people didn't understand," Damon said. "They thought I was a little slow or just couldn't really talk. Playing my sports did my talking and who's laughing now?"

One offseason, when both Barber and Damon went home to Orlando after a year in the minors, "It wasn't there anymore, really," Barber said. The two were teammates briefly on the Royals in 1998 and 1999, and when Barber was called up for the first time, he lived at Damon's house in Kansas City.

"Now, you can see him thinking through the process," said Barber, who is now a scout for the Yankees. "The talking to the media itself has helped him. He knew he had to do that, he always wanted to do it and he thought it was part of his job. He's met plenty of new people and been in situations that would've bothered him and he's not bothered by it."

Now he's so smooth, interviews with him turn into magazine cover stories. Last winter, he signed a four-year, $52 million free agent contract with the Yankees to be their leadoff hitter and center fielder. They've been delighted with his breezy, loose clubhouse manner.

He also signed a four-year deal with Puma to pitch that company's gear in television and print ads. Puma gave Damon a Ferrari F430 Spider as a gift.

"I always thought I had a stuttering problem and people would stay away, but I guess because I overcame it, I tend to draw people into me and people want to hear me speak now," Damon said. "And that's pretty amazing."

Originally published on July 13, 200

2006-09-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

2006-09-19T13:39:00.000-07:00

What would change if I did not focus so much on how I speak?

My Worry would be replaced by Calm Confidence
My Anxiety would be replaced by Cool Excitement
My Complacency would be replaced by Competitiveness
My Pleasing others would be replaced by Pleasing Myself (no pun intended!)
My Feelings of inadequacy would be replaced by a Shower of Confidence
My Weakness would be replaced by Courage
My Anticipation would be replaced by 'Looking Forward to' ness
My Stuttering would be replaced by 'I do not care what they may think' ness
My Fear would be replaced by Strength and Power
My Worthlessness would be replaced by a sea of Self-worth
My Reclusion would be replaced by Participation
My Holding back would become No More Holding Back
My 'Lack of Capitalizing Opportnities' would be replaced by 'Opportunities and Results Galore'!

So, what am I waiting for? :)

2006-09-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

Managing Expectations

Something interesting happened today.

I was scheduled for a phone meeting with a alum (lets call him Bill)
from the Dallas office of a company that I am really interested in. I
had met with Bill last year during one of the company presentations,
so I kinda knew him. Prior to placing the call, I was confident that I
would be able to communicate with ease. But, as soon as he said
'Hello', I thought he sounded different. Really different. Now, he had
an American accent. He sounded really assertive. We started talking
and soon after, something in me told that Bill had indeed changed
since I met with him a few months ago. I held back.

Here is the interesting part. Bill wasn't being critical of me nor was
he evaluating me. Rather, he was being positive about me, such as "You
have qualifications that we are very interested in" or "great resume"
or "our office is doing phenomenally well and we are planning on
expanding" and "you have a good shot at getting into the firm". But,
Bill's voice sounded firm, and quite authoritative. I wondered whether
this was the same person! He sounded different than I had expected him
to. As a result, my blocking/stuttering triggered. I managed to say a
few I knows and thank yous, but I knew I could have done better. A
lot better.

After analyzing my conversation, I realized that managing expectations
and being able to adapt to situations is important for proper
communication.

And, how do I do that? Desensitization by DDT! :)

2006-09-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

Dissecting Confidence: Q&A

How do you know when you are confident?
I know I am confident when I know that I know what I know. In other words, I am the authority in the room and everyone knows it.

What do you feel, hear and see when you are confident?
I feel wonderful being just me and no-one else. I am confident. I am beaming. I feel the calm confidence and cool excitement in my body. I have a phenomenal memory. Almost photographic.

I hear soothing music in my ears and I hear my own voice telling me that I am good, real good.

I see that others are watching me in awe and wanting to know more about me. I see myself being appreciated by one and all.

How do you speak and act when you are confident?
I speak slowly and confidently. I speak with authority. I speak with passion. It is as if I want to 'show off' my knowledge to people. My voice is loud, clear and very excited. When I speak, people are all ears.

I act as if there are no road blocks on the way to my impending success. If I were confident, I would take on any challenge head-on, and yet be certain of success. It is as if no one else exists but me and the probem. I am focussed. I am driven. Even if success were to elude me, I would not care much what other may think, but the failure would pinch me and drive me to push harder to be successful the next time around.

How do you know when you are not confident?
I know I am not confident when
a) I do not understand my position in any given situation (Ignorant)
b) I do not want to be a part of that situation (Exclusion)
c) I have to make an impression in that situation (Pleasing)
d) I really aspire to be in a position but know that others want to be there too (Competition)
e) I have to make a decision on behalf of others (Responsibility)

What do you feel, hear and see when you are not confident?
I lack focus. I feel my memory will fail me. I feel insecure, foolish, worthless, inadequate. I feel I have to be like others. I feel frustrated, lonely and fearful.

I hear myself saying how incapable I am and that I can never succeed.

I see myself failing. Repeatedly.

How do you speak and act when you are not confident?
I hold back. I hardly speak up. I never raise my voice.

I act as if I do not belong.

What techniques have you found useful in building your confidence? These can be related to your speech or to other aspects of your life.
1. Reading and becoming knowledeable about a subject.
2. Setting goals and able to acheive them successfully.
3. Meditation and physical exercise take the focus away from the problem and help me concentrate.
4. Getting good grades tremendously boost my confidence.

I have found Bob's self-esteeming pattern very useful. I use it before facing a difficult situation. Other patterns that I believe will 'thaw the frozen block' are: Power-zone, Mind-to-muscle, and Swish. The drop-down pattern through is default.

I am a firm believer in spirituality. I read motivational and spiritual books by Swami Vivekananda, Tim Galleway, Susan Jeffers. I am practicing my perceptual positions. I have found some calm being in the 5th position.

2006-09-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

How do you sound when you ssssstttutter???

I think it is a really good idea to compare fluent times to dysfluent times.

So, I started recording my voice when I am alone and when I am blocking. For instance, yesterday, when I was practicing a case with a friend, I was blocking quite bad. So, I recorded the conversation, came back home and listened to my blocking.

Normally, I do not like (actually the word would be hate) to listen my voice, let alone listen to myself blocking and stuttering. But, guess what? When I listened, my blocking/stuttering was not as bad as I expected it to be and my voice was good! I stuttered a total of 6 times in a 30min time period and each stutter lasted a minimum of 3sec and a maximum of 6sec. If I hadn't anayzed my stuttering, I would have unrealistically thought it lasted for around 20sec, not 6sec. I think I was being too hypercritical about my speech.

This was a valuable lesson learnt. I plan to expand my analysis by recording and listening to myself whenever possible.

2006-09-13T13:05:00.000-07:00

What??? NLP in the World of Finance?

According to an article on WSJ, financial advisers are using NLPlike techniques to help clients plan for retirement!

Here is a snippet:

Sit down with, say, your spouse and ask, "What's important about money to you?" If your spouse responds that money is important because it buys freedom, you would ask, "What's important about freedom to you?"

If your spouse says this freedom would provide more time for leisure activities, you would ask, "What's important about having more leisure time to you?" And so it goes on for maybe seven or 10 questions.

With this exercise, "the tendency is not to go as deep as you could go," Mr. Bachrach warns. "The tendency is to stop at needs, wants and goals. You want to get some clarity about your purpose in life and what makes you satisfied and happy."

Financial planner Michael Jones uses Mr. Bachrach's technique in his Louisville, Ky., practice. When trying this exercise with friends or family, "you shouldn't prompt them," Mr. Jones advises. "You want them to flesh it out with their own words, not your words. One of the hardest things in the world is to sit quietly and let somebody else talk."

The conversations often start the same way. "The first few words that frequently come out of people's mouths are words like 'freedom' and 'security' and 'not having to worry about the bills,' " Mr. Jones says. But as the questioning progresses, "there are a lot of different responses. People start to talk about God or fulfillment or their purpose."

While the aim is to get through the conversation in one sitting, you may stall out and need to try again later. Even if you never finish, you will likely find the exercise prompts some soul searching -- and you will have a better idea for why you're stuffing those dollars into your 401(k).

Having difficulty figuring out what you want from life? Consider a second exercise, suggested by Carol Anderson, president of Money Quotient in Poulsbo, Wash., which provides life-planning training to advisers.

Start by drawing a wheel hub with nine spokes, which represent work, close relationships, finances, leisure activities, intellectual life, community involvement, physical health, emotional health and your home. Next, on a scale of one to 10, rate your level of satisfaction with each of these areas, with a score of 10 marked at the rim of the wheel and a zero placed at the hub. Finally, to gauge how well-rounded your life is, connect the dots.

"That gives you a graphical representation of how you feel about your life," Ms. Anderson says. "If you have a low number in a particular area, it's a sign that something is missing." Folks who try the exercise often indicate they're dissatisfied with the amount of leisure time they have and with their health, both physical and emotional.

2006-09-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

After analyzing my beliefs a little bit today, I have come to the temporary conclusion that my blocking is triggered when I feel inadequate. I feel inadequate when I am not in control. One pattern that I am currently working on to feel adequate is the DDT (Drop Down Through) pattern. I am commited to doing it at least once a day, either in the morning after I get up or just before I sleep. When I did this earlier, I noticed something different. I felt shivers in my body, especially the chest region (yes, just like what I experienced yesterday). And usually, whenever I block, I feel tremendous tension in my chest. So, doing this pattern may really mean something.

The funny thing is that it feels as if there is this huge chunk of frozen butter in my chest that is slowly thawing! :) I continue to keep doing this for the next few weeks and see if there will be any change in my outlook in life.

2006-09-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

I discovered something new about the stuttering behavior. Yes!

Yesterday, in preparation for a telephonic interview (with a company I was interested in) that was scheduled for 4PM , I kept track of my thoughts, emotions and feelings. As soon as I sensed a negative thought, I did a 'Meta-no, Meta-yes' substitution. As I focused on these qualities so intensely all morning long, I observed something very strange. Whenever I flushed out negative thoughts and re-inforced positive ones, my body shivered. Literally. This never happened to me anytime before, except for when I was doing the NS patterns with Bobby during the workshop in Long Beach! I was surprised but I knew that my old beliefs were transforming. I practiced my interview by recording myself and playing it over and over again on the LOUD speakers. Since I was alone, I wasn't blocking and was 100% fluent. Listening to myself so loud on the speakers helped boost my confidence before the telpehone rang. I could not be more prepared...

The 1st part of the 30minute interview went pretty well, but I botched the last half of it. Some of the critical questions that I was asked triggered the stuttering mechanism and lo and behold, I was blocking quite badly toward the end of the interview. I do not expect to be called for the next round of interviewing, but I am OK with it.

At 7PM, I was scheduled for a Ice-Breaker (Speech #1) at the Bold Literary Toastmasters club. I did not prepare for the speech for more than a few minutes, but when I delivered the speech in front of 20 strangers, I was neither nervous nor fearful! And guess what? The speech was as smooth as butter. I was not dysfluent even once! Yes!!! At the end of the speech, the presiedent of the club, who also happens to be my mentor and the 2006 World Champion of Public Speaking, said that my speech was so good that he would help me enter the humor contest in a few months.

So, what is it that I learnt yesterday about stuttering?

My stuttering is triggered only in certain situations. Situations on which I place a lot of weight, such as interviewing. How is it that I can be unprepared and yet be so fluent in front of 20 strangers and be very prepared and be so dysfluent in front of one person?

The answer to this is: The meaning I give to these situations is different. And unless I reframe the meanings, the condition will remain the same.

2006-09-02T05:44:00.000-07:00

HOW YOUR EXPECTATIONS CAN SINK YOUR SHIP

I just read an article by John Harrison that talks about expectations and intentions. A superb article that puts things in perspective...
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HOW YOUR EXPECTATIONS CAN SINK YOUR SHIP*
by John C. Harrison

(*The expression is colloquial English meaning "defeat your efforts" or "cause you to fail.")

I remember the night I discovered my house was haunted.

I was down in my office working late, and at 10 p.m. I came upstairs to cook a hamburger. While the hamburger was on the stove, I went to the pantry to get the catsup.

In our house, all the spices and sauces sit on the top shelf, but when I looked thereâ€¦no catsup. I knew we had just bought a big bottle of catsup two days ago, so perhaps it was hiding in the back of one of the lower shelves. I hunched down and rummaged through those shelves.

No catsup.

Finally, after several frustrating minutes of looking, I turned off the light and walked into the living room where my wife was reading a book. "Hey, Doris," I said. Where's the catsup?"

"In the pantry," she said.

"No, it's not. I just looked."

"Yes it is. Do you want me to find it?"

"NO, I don't want you to find it. I tell you it's not there, but I'll look again."

Once again I marched into the pantry. I turned on the light. There, right in the front center of the second shelf, was a large bottle of catsup.

The hair on my neck stood up. "Omygod! I'M LIVING IN A HAUNTED HOUSE. Some mysterious presence has taken up residence and is moving my stuff around!!!"

For the next week I walked gingerly around the house, waiting for the ghostly presence to strike again. But strangely, nothing happened. Finally, FINALLY, I woke up one morning with the answer. I knew what had happened. I'd had an expectation that the catsup would be on the top shelf or at the back of one of the other shelves. I didn't expect it to be right at the front of the second shelf.

So, while my eye saw the bottle, my brain didn't register it.

That's when I came to a realization that's been nothing short of life changing -- my expectations can actually prevent me from seeing physical objects and opportunities that are sitting right under my very nose.

Now, I'm not putting down expectations. They give structure and predictability to my life. If I send you an email, I expect the Internet to deliver it.

If I call a plumber to fix a leak, I expect him to know what he's doing. And if I come to an intersection and the traffic light is green, I expect that the cars with the red lights will stop and let me pass.

But, as this next story will illustrate, there's a difference between having expectations, and allowing your life to be run by your expectations. Whenever you do that, you're giving away your powerâ€¦to others and to circumstances

HOW I MISSED A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

Back in high school, I was a secret admirer of a charming, auburn-haired girl named Carole. She was gorgeous, she was very smart, she was a great athlete, and she was very popular.

"Did you ask her out?" you ask.

"Well, no."

"Why not?"

Because I didn't expect she'd go out with me. After all, she was very popular, and I was just an ordinary guy and very shy.

Fast forward five years. I was at a party in New York City, when who should walk into the apartment but Carole, my secret love in high school. By that time, I had gotten over much of my shyness with girls, so I went over and chatted with her. During the conversation I said, "Carole, I have a confession to make. Back in high school, I really had a crush on you."

She stunned me with her reply. "I thought you were kind of cute," she said.

"You should have asked me out."

FOUR YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL DOWN THE DRAIN!!!

It was a perfect example of how I gave away my power and let my expectations control my life.

It doesn't have to be that way. If you stop giving away your power to others if you stop basing your self-esteem on other people's approval or whether or not you were successful you can hold onto your power and motivation and confidence even though circumstances may not work out.

That sure wasn't me. I was so hungry for other people's acceptance and validation that I become an approval addict. I let circumstances and other people's approval determine whether or not I felt okay.

When they did, I felt validated. When they didn't, my confidence plummeted. So I often played it safe, and I didn't even try.

THE MAN WHO WOULDN'T QUIT.

If you want to hold onto your power, no matter how things are working out, then the trick is not to let your expectations be the source of your motivation but rather to base your motivation on your intentions.

Thomas Edison was a man whose expectations went unmet so many times you'd think he lived a life of total discouragement. Quite the contraryâ€¦Edison was America's greatest inventor. Over his lifetime, he patented 1,093 inventions, more than the next two inventors combined.

In 1878, Edison created a prototype for the incandescent light bulb. It consisted of a thin strip of paper attached to wires at either end and sealed in a vacuum inside a glass bulb. When electricity flowed through the wires into the paper "filament," it heated up, and glowed. VoilÃ , light. It had only one drawback. The paper burned up in seconds. Clearly, not a successful commercial product.

So Edison set out to find a material for the filament that would burn bright enough and long enough to be commercially viable. He searched the world for every conceivable material that might work. He tested filaments made from every plant imaginable baywood, boxwood, hickory, cedar, flax, bamboo. He wrote to biologists who sent him plant fibers from exotic places in the tropics. He even tested a hair from the beard of his lab assistant. Nothing worked.

Do you know how many different materials Edison tested until he found something that did work?

Over 6,000!

That's 6,000 consecutive expectations that weren't met. 6,000 failures in a row until he found that a carbonized cotton thread would meet his requirements.

What in the world kept him going?

Two things. First, Edison liked what he was doing. He just liked being in the laboratory and conducting experiments.

Equally important, Edison wasn't driven by his expectations. Certainly, he had expectations (over 6,000 of them). But Edison was driven by his intentions, so whenever something didn't work out, Edison would simply say, "Now we know a little more about the problem." Thus, even those experiments that didn't work out were experienced by Edison as a useful experience.

I know what you're thinking. "All well and good, but I'm not Edison. I'm not totally dedicated to a single life purpose. How does all this apply to me?

Perhaps this next story will be easier to identify with.

THEY KEPT CALLING HER "HEY STUPID."

She was a young girl who grew up in the suburban community of Palo Alto south of San Francisco. She was a pretty girl, but nobody thought she was particularly bright. In fact, her two sisters regularly addressed her as "Hey, stupid."

However, she was conscientious and hard working. At the age of 14 she worked part time at Mervyn's, a clothing store chain, and her supervisor liked her so well, that the following year they even made her an assistant manager.

But she was not popular in school. In her senior year her good looks did get her elected homecoming football queen though ironically, she wasn't even able to find a date to take her to the game.

She didn't go to college. A year later, she met a graduate student from Stanford University. They fell in love and married. You could almost write the scenario. Pretty girl marries guy, has nice home in the suburbs with two cars and a dog. Raises a couple of kids. Barbecues on the weekends. Joins the country club. Becomes a soccer mom.

Except it didn't happen that way.

This girl loved to bake. Specifically, she loved to bake chocolate chip cookies. One day she had a brainstorm. "I'm going to open a cookie shop."

She went out looking for a bank loan. Being young, and relatively inexperienced and not having any of your own money to invest does not make you attractive to lending organizations. She received rejections one after the other. But she WANTED to open a cookie shop. Her intention was to open a cookie shop. So she kept on looking. She finally found a bank who agreed to loan her the moneyâ€¦at 21% interest!

Opening day came, and by noon, she hadn't made a single sale. Discouraging? Of course. But she had a very clear intention to sell cookies and to make it work. So after lunch, she piled up a plate full of cookies and walked up and down the main street of Palo Alto, handing out free samples. By the end of the day, she had sold $75 worth of cookies.

In case you don't know, I'm talking about Debby Fields whose chain of 600 Mrs. Fields Cookies stores has more than $400 million in sales per year.

There are an infinite number of stories like this one â€“ stories about people who had every reason not to push forward. And yet, who did.

People like Michael Jordan who was cut from his high school basketball team. People like Dr. Spock, who sent his first children's book to 24 publishers before he found one that would publish it. (Today, there are over 100 million of his books in print.)

All of these individuals succeeded primarily because of one thing â€” they had a clear intention, and they made fulfilling that intention their number one priority.

If you're a PWS, it's very easy to place your intentions after your expectations. If I spoke in a situation and I blocked, I would avoid speaking in that situation again. If I said something, and it seemed awkward or silly, I would run it over and over and over and over and over in my mind, trying to make it right (which, of course, I could never do.) I'd end up beating myself up and feeling bad. That usually killed my self-esteem.

But in the last few years, I've been following a strategy that works so well I regret I never stumbled on this sooner. My remedy? Make sure I reward myself for following my intentions, regardless of my results. Here's one novel way I do it. In my neighborhood, we have an ice cream store that has the world's best mocha fudge ice cream. Whenever I do something particularly difficult especially something that did NOT work outâ€¦I ask myself two questions: (1) What was my intention? And (2) Did I follow my intention?

If I defined and followed my intention, then I reward myself with a BIG scoop of mocha fudge ice creamâ€¦no matter how the situation turned out! And as I eat it, I make sure I remind myself just why I've gotten this reward.

I also I follow the example of Thomas Edison. If my efforts are not successful, I tell myself, "Well, now I know a little bit more about the problem." It's a no-lose proposition.

I'd like to conclude with a story from the animal world that really illustrates how powerfully your expectations can shape your perceptions. A research biologist had a large tank of water in his laboratory separated into two parts by a glass divider. One day he put a large bass in one side. In the other, he introduced a school of tiny minnows.

For one full week, that bass continually beat on the divider, trying to get at the minnows. No luck. The next week, it still tried, but as the week progressed, the bass slowly lost interest. It "knew" that the minnows were beyond its reach. By the third week, the bass stopped trying altogether.

Then the scientist removed the glass.

Did the bass say to itself, "Hot dog, I can finally gobble up those minnows!" It did not. In fact, the minnows even swam around its mouth and the bass paid them no attention. After all, the bass had found out what was "possible" and what wasn't.

Does that sound like you? Do you allow your expectations run your life. Do you miss even seeing those opportunities swimming around you because you know you can't speak fluently in a particular situation. Do you know that somebody won't approve of you or what you do so you won't try? You may be responding just like that bass.

If, on the other hand, you focus on your intentions, instead of your expectations, and allow your intentions to drive your life, you may discover that all those things you say you've been looking for have been sitting there...just like that bottle of catsup.

Right under your very nose.

2006-08-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

Eight "Keys" to Personal Change

http://www.masteringstuttering.com/Personal_Change.htm

2006-08-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

SI’s ADVICE ON HOW YOU CAN WIN AT TOASTMASTERS!

1. Remember, you are a natural public speaker, the more you do it, and the more you speak on many different topics the more silverware you will win.

2. Educate, entertain, give 'em a message and make 'em laugh and leave them wanting more.

2006-08-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

Are your 'dreams' fluent or dysfluent?

Since I changed my stuttering mindset, I no longer stutter in my
dreams.

As a matter of interest, you may wish to consider creative
visualization, particularly in advance of a challenging situation.
Imagine yourself at a particular location; hear the cacophony;
experience the atmosphere; and, most importantly, view yourself
speaking in the manner that you wish.

My understanding is that the mind cannot differentiate between
imagination and the real thing. It generates the emotions/feelings
that you would experience if that event had actually happened.

If you sow positive seeds, you are more likely to reap a positive
harvest ;-)

2006-08-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

Post from a PWBS:

"Oh yes, I can underline that from personal experience. That I too still have this where I slip into the mind-reading, in equal giving importance to what others think of me, this whole defending of the reputation thing, living upto standards that are written by others etc... which do initiate a block now and then, having go mentally limp for a moment. Reminding me that I do have this non-fluency thing :-)

However, when I started this journey to figure out what was triggering my blocking, I did put a lot of practice in letting go of the mind reading. Or say, that I tried to no longer get caught in this sort of trance. It takes time, but soon enough there is this process where you become aware. The initial blocking might still be triggered, but the awareness of it can be utilized to stop it, nip it in the but and then continue, letting go of the negative internal chatter. Something like that.

In the line of NLP, what I did, is imagining a big Neon Sign that says : WHATEVER! in my mind. With pulling an also imaginairy cord, I switch the sign on, having it burst with bright red light inside my mind. What this does is, it breaks the trance I think, and enables me to move on in the direction I CHOOSE as the new direction. Doesn't always work, but then again I learned to be happy with 7 out of 10 times as well, instead of opting constantly for the 10 out of 10 times.

Next thing, after practicing the Neon Sign for instance, with the whole mindset behind it of no longer wanting to give meaning to what others think of me, I noticed that the sigh started to come ON itself. Also, not always, but more and more often.

On imagining things, like the sign. To give my mind more resources to draw from in creating an image like that, I used software like Photoshop to create on image of Big Bold Neon Sign Letters that light up like Vegas. This helps in constructing the reference to draw from.

So, still I say it is in the perception at any given time. It is not a constant. Every next second I can choose to opt for something else and "forget" the previous second. As I wrote in my book, there is only continue.

>>> it becomes a survival strategy

Yes, what I mean or meant is that it is all about getting used to new survival strategies."

11338

2006-08-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

USEFUL PATTERNS

The Meta-Yes/No Pattern has proven most useful to PWS:

http://www.masteringstuttering.com/Articles/Meta_Yes-No.htm

The Drop Down Through Pattern:

http://www.masteringstuttering.com/Drop_Down_Through.htm

The Foreground-Background Pattern:

http://www.masteringstuttering.com/foreground-background.htm

The Mind-to-Muscle Pattern:

http://www.masteringstuttering.com/Mind_to_Muscle.htm

Find 2 or 3 patterns that really work well for you and focus on practicing them.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY DOING. IT PROVES A LIE THOSE OLD BELIEFS THAT "ONCE A PWS ALWAYS A PWS" OR "I HAVE ALWAYS STUTTERING AND I ALWAYS WILL", ETC.

LET WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU PROVIDE COUNTER-EXAMPLES FOR THOSE OLD BELIEFS.

THEY JUST DON'T HOLD WATER IN FACE OF THE FACTS YOU ARE EXPERIENCING!!!
11333

2006-08-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

MY FIRST AUDIO POSTING!

In this blog, I talk about the Meta No!, Meta Yes! pattern for distinguishing negative beliefs and replacing them with powerful ones.