Sunday, September 24, 2006
Add to your routine the following. Some rounds that have the set up phrase, "Even though I lose my composure and start to stutter, I fully and completely love, honor, trust and accept myself" Your reminder phrase can be: "Lose my composure". Do this before you have to make calls and after you have done them. BTW you know you can tap while you are on the phone. Nobody is going to see you. This will keep your energy balanced and you will be surprised at the results. Give it go and let me know.
For golfers: Even though I messed up (use your own words) on my last shot I fully and completely love and accept myself and I am a great speaker.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
An inspiring article on the NYT (Thanks to Bob and TimM for forwarding link)
He seems made to stand in front of a television camera - glib, rock-star handsome with a ready smile and a helluva player, too. He is a spokesman for Puma, has talked teammates through complicated labor negotiations as the Red Sox union representative and is the darling of postgame interviews. He was creative enough to dub his old team a bunch of "idiots," a moniker that stuck all the way to a World Series crown...
But speaking didn't used to be so easy for Yankee outfielder Johnny Damon. For several years as a child, Damon stuttered so badly he was afraid to introduce himself. Sometimes, there was cruel teasing from other kids.
Damon vividly remembers going to the movies as an oversized youth and trying to pay child's prices. When clerks saw his man-sized frame - by the time he was 12, he was 6-1, 185 pounds - they thought he was kidding. When they heard him stutter as he tried to explain that he was big for his age, they thought he was lying.
"My mind was going a thousand miles an hour and my mouth would say whatever came to it," Damon recalled. "I slowed down, took my time, connected my words and got better. Now I'm talking in front of millions of people a day. At times, there's some slight hesitations and whatnot, but I feel like I've overcome it. I don't think about it too much anymore. I just roll with it and feel like I've come a long way."
"It's amazing that a guy who years ago was sometimes afraid to talk is now such a great quote," said Damon's childhood friend and former pro teammate, Brian Barber. "People who know him now don't even realize he had it."
Words "kind of lock up" when a person stutters, said Jane Fraser, the president of the Stuttering Foundation of America, a non-profit organization devoted to treating and preventing the condition. About three million Americans stutter, about 1% of the population, Fraser said, and around 5% of children stutter at some point, though most outgrow it.
There are plenty of famous people other than Damon who have battled stuttering, including sports stars such as Tiger Woods, Bill Walton and Kenyon Martin. Winston Churchill and Marilyn Monroe dealt with it, too.
"A lot of kids work their way out of stuttering by being good at sports," Fraser said. "It gives you self-confidence. And then the more you talk, the more you will get out of this problem. I think that sports analogies help kids who stutter. You've got to work on your speech. We tell kids, 'Don't think someone who can hit a baseball is an expert because they just do it five minutes a day.' That's something we like to share with teens, their eyes get all big."
Damon, 32, started taking speech therapy classes in second grade because he had trouble saying " 'S' or 'T' or 'D,' " he said. He could sing without stuttering - mostly hair bands such as Motley Crue, he said, laughing - and that helped build confidence. The late Robert Merrill, the baritone who sang the national anthem at Yankee Stadium, used similar technique.
"When I was able to talk a lot and express my feelings, I think that's what really helped," Damon said. "I even dealt with this in my first couple of years in the big leagues and it's something that I still have. Obviously, when I talk now, there are 'ums' and slight hesitations to help me get past it.
"Sometimes I got teased and maybe people didn't understand," Damon said. "They thought I was a little slow or just couldn't really talk. Playing my sports did my talking and who's laughing now?"
One offseason, when both Barber and Damon went home to Orlando after a year in the minors, "It wasn't there anymore, really," Barber said. The two were teammates briefly on the Royals in 1998 and 1999, and when Barber was called up for the first time, he lived at Damon's house in Kansas City.
"Now, you can see him thinking through the process," said Barber, who is now a scout for the Yankees. "The talking to the media itself has helped him. He knew he had to do that, he always wanted to do it and he thought it was part of his job. He's met plenty of new people and been in situations that would've bothered him and he's not bothered by it."
Now he's so smooth, interviews with him turn into magazine cover stories. Last winter, he signed a four-year, $52 million free agent contract with the Yankees to be their leadoff hitter and center fielder. They've been delighted with his breezy, loose clubhouse manner.
He also signed a four-year deal with Puma to pitch that company's gear in television and print ads. Puma gave Damon a Ferrari F430 Spider as a gift.
"I always thought I had a stuttering problem and people would stay away, but I guess because I overcame it, I tend to draw people into me and people want to hear me speak now," Damon said. "And that's pretty amazing."
Originally published on July 13, 200
My Worry would be replaced by Calm Confidence
My Anxiety would be replaced by Cool Excitement
My Complacency would be replaced by Competitiveness
My Pleasing others would be replaced by Pleasing Myself (no pun intended!)
My Feelings of inadequacy would be replaced by a Shower of Confidence
My Weakness would be replaced by Courage
My Anticipation would be replaced by 'Looking Forward to' ness
My Stuttering would be replaced by 'I do not care what they may think' ness
My Fear would be replaced by Strength and Power
My Worthlessness would be replaced by a sea of Self-worth
My Reclusion would be replaced by Participation
My Holding back would become No More Holding Back
My 'Lack of Capitalizing Opportnities' would be replaced by 'Opportunities and Results Galore'!
So, what am I waiting for? :)
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Something interesting happened today.
I was scheduled for a phone meeting with a alum (lets call him Bill)
from the Dallas office of a company that I am really interested in. I
had met with Bill last year during one of the company presentations,
so I kinda knew him. Prior to placing the call, I was confident that I
would be able to communicate with ease. But, as soon as he said
'Hello', I thought he sounded different. Really different. Now, he had
an American accent. He sounded really assertive. We started talking
and soon after, something in me told that Bill had indeed changed
since I met with him a few months ago. I held back.
Here is the interesting part. Bill wasn't being critical of me nor was
he evaluating me. Rather, he was being positive about me, such as "You
have qualifications that we are very interested in" or "great resume"
or "our office is doing phenomenally well and we are planning on
expanding" and "you have a good shot at getting into the firm". But,
Bill's voice sounded firm, and quite authoritative. I wondered whether
this was the same person! He sounded different than I had expected him
to. As a result, my blocking/stuttering triggered. I managed to say a
few I knows and thank yous, but I knew I could have done better. A
lot better.
After analyzing my conversation, I realized that managing expectations
and being able to adapt to situations is important for proper
communication.
And, how do I do that? Desensitization by DDT! :)
Friday, September 15, 2006
How do you know when you are confident?
I know I am confident when I know that I know what I know. In other words, I am the authority in the room and everyone knows it.
What do you feel, hear and see when you are confident?
I feel wonderful being just me and no-one else. I am confident. I am beaming. I feel the calm confidence and cool excitement in my body. I have a phenomenal memory. Almost photographic.
I hear soothing music in my ears and I hear my own voice telling me that I am good, real good.
I see that others are watching me in awe and wanting to know more about me. I see myself being appreciated by one and all.
How do you speak and act when you are confident?
I speak slowly and confidently. I speak with authority. I speak with passion. It is as if I want to 'show off' my knowledge to people. My voice is loud, clear and very excited. When I speak, people are all ears.
I act as if there are no road blocks on the way to my impending success. If I were confident, I would take on any challenge head-on, and yet be certain of success. It is as if no one else exists but me and the probem. I am focussed. I am driven. Even if success were to elude me, I would not care much what other may think, but the failure would pinch me and drive me to push harder to be successful the next time around.
How do you know when you are not confident?
I know I am not confident when
a) I do not understand my position in any given situation (Ignorant)
b) I do not want to be a part of that situation (Exclusion)
c) I have to make an impression in that situation (Pleasing)
d) I really aspire to be in a position but know that others want to be there too (Competition)
e) I have to make a decision on behalf of others (Responsibility)
What do you feel, hear and see when you are not confident?
I lack focus. I feel my memory will fail me. I feel insecure, foolish, worthless, inadequate. I feel I have to be like others. I feel frustrated, lonely and fearful.
I hear myself saying how incapable I am and that I can never succeed.
I see myself failing. Repeatedly.
How do you speak and act when you are not confident?
I hold back. I hardly speak up. I never raise my voice.
I act as if I do not belong.
What techniques have you found useful in building your confidence? These can be related to your speech or to other aspects of your life.
1. Reading and becoming knowledeable about a subject.
2. Setting goals and able to acheive them successfully.
3. Meditation and physical exercise take the focus away from the problem and help me concentrate.
4. Getting good grades tremendously boost my confidence.
I have found Bob's self-esteeming pattern very useful. I use it before facing a difficult situation. Other patterns that I believe will 'thaw the frozen block' are: Power-zone, Mind-to-muscle, and Swish. The drop-down pattern through is default.
I am a firm believer in spirituality. I read motivational and spiritual books by Swami Vivekananda, Tim Galleway, Susan Jeffers. I am practicing my perceptual positions. I have found some calm being in the 5th position.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I think it is a really good idea to compare fluent times to dysfluent times.
So, I started recording my voice when I am alone and when I am blocking. For instance, yesterday, when I was practicing a case with a friend, I was blocking quite bad. So, I recorded the conversation, came back home and listened to my blocking.
Normally, I do not like (actually the word would be hate) to listen my voice, let alone listen to myself blocking and stuttering. But, guess what? When I listened, my blocking/stuttering was not as bad as I expected it to be and my voice was good! I stuttered a total of 6 times in a 30min time period and each stutter lasted a minimum of 3sec and a maximum of 6sec. If I hadn't anayzed my stuttering, I would have unrealistically thought it lasted for around 20sec, not 6sec. I think I was being too hypercritical about my speech.
This was a valuable lesson learnt. I plan to expand my analysis by recording and listening to myself whenever possible.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
What??? NLP in the World of Finance?
According to an article on WSJ, financial advisers are using NLPlike techniques to help clients plan for retirement!
Sit down with, say, your spouse and ask, "What's important about money to you?" If your spouse responds that money is important because it buys freedom, you would ask, "What's important about freedom to you?"
If your spouse says this freedom would provide more time for leisure activities, you would ask, "What's important about having more leisure time to you?" And so it goes on for maybe seven or 10 questions.
With this exercise, "the tendency is not to go as deep as you could go," Mr. Bachrach warns. "The tendency is to stop at needs, wants and goals. You want to get some clarity about your purpose in life and what makes you satisfied and happy."
Financial planner Michael Jones uses Mr. Bachrach's technique in his Louisville, Ky., practice. When trying this exercise with friends or family, "you shouldn't prompt them," Mr. Jones advises. "You want them to flesh it out with their own words, not your words. One of the hardest things in the world is to sit quietly and let somebody else talk."
The conversations often start the same way. "The first few words that frequently come out of people's mouths are words like 'freedom' and 'security' and 'not having to worry about the bills,' " Mr. Jones says. But as the questioning progresses, "there are a lot of different responses. People start to talk about God or fulfillment or their purpose."
While the aim is to get through the conversation in one sitting, you may stall out and need to try again later. Even if you never finish, you will likely find the exercise prompts some soul searching -- and you will have a better idea for why you're stuffing those dollars into your 401(k).
Having difficulty figuring out what you want from life? Consider a second exercise, suggested by Carol Anderson, president of Money Quotient in Poulsbo, Wash., which provides life-planning training to advisers.
Start by drawing a wheel hub with nine spokes, which represent work, close relationships, finances, leisure activities, intellectual life, community involvement, physical health, emotional health and your home. Next, on a scale of one to 10, rate your level of satisfaction with each of these areas, with a score of 10 marked at the rim of the wheel and a zero placed at the hub. Finally, to gauge how well-rounded your life is, connect the dots.
"That gives you a graphical representation of how you feel about your life," Ms. Anderson says. "If you have a low number in a particular area, it's a sign that something is missing." Folks who try the exercise often indicate they're dissatisfied with the amount of leisure time they have and with their health, both physical and emotional.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The funny thing is that it feels as if there is this huge chunk of frozen butter in my chest that is slowly thawing! :) I continue to keep doing this for the next few weeks and see if there will be any change in my outlook in life.
Yesterday, in preparation for a telephonic interview (with a company I was interested in) that was scheduled for 4PM , I kept track of my thoughts, emotions and feelings. As soon as I sensed a negative thought, I did a 'Meta-no, Meta-yes' substitution. As I focused on these qualities so intensely all morning long, I observed something very strange. Whenever I flushed out negative thoughts and re-inforced positive ones, my body shivered. Literally. This never happened to me anytime before, except for when I was doing the NS patterns with Bobby during the workshop in Long Beach! I was surprised but I knew that my old beliefs were transforming. I practiced my interview by recording myself and playing it over and over again on the LOUD speakers. Since I was alone, I wasn't blocking and was 100% fluent. Listening to myself so loud on the speakers helped boost my confidence before the telpehone rang. I could not be more prepared...
The 1st part of the 30minute interview went pretty well, but I botched the last half of it. Some of the critical questions that I was asked triggered the stuttering mechanism and lo and behold, I was blocking quite badly toward the end of the interview. I do not expect to be called for the next round of interviewing, but I am OK with it.
At 7PM, I was scheduled for a Ice-Breaker (Speech #1) at the Bold Literary Toastmasters club. I did not prepare for the speech for more than a few minutes, but when I delivered the speech in front of 20 strangers, I was neither nervous nor fearful! And guess what? The speech was as smooth as butter. I was not dysfluent even once! Yes!!! At the end of the speech, the presiedent of the club, who also happens to be my mentor and the 2006 World Champion of Public Speaking, said that my speech was so good that he would help me enter the humor contest in a few months.
So, what is it that I learnt yesterday about stuttering?
My stuttering is triggered only in certain situations. Situations on which I place a lot of weight, such as interviewing. How is it that I can be unprepared and yet be so fluent in front of 20 strangers and be very prepared and be so dysfluent in front of one person?
The answer to this is: The meaning I give to these situations is different. And unless I reframe the meanings, the condition will remain the same.
